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December 8, 2003

Samology at the DMV: Episode One

DMV Site Banner Yep, it is about damn time. I have been in New York 7 years and still use my expired Minnesota ID as identification. It is about damn time I head over to the old Brooklyn DMV and see about an official NYC Driver's License. A trivial, virtually instantaneous, streamlined, highly sanitary process, to leave you feeling refreshed, relaxed and invigorated, I am told. "It is like a day spa, really." I pack a large bag with several non-perishable food items, toilet paper, 2 novels and a can of mace. Off to the races, let the fun begin! 655 Atlantic, not a difficult address to find. Take the R train to Pacific street. Just a little further in this direction... Aaand, keep walking through this intersection...? Wait, where is the DMV? 35 minutes later... Wait... Where is the DMV? Finally! These people are obviously waiting in line for... Whoops- not the DMV! Giving up and just following a guy who looks like he is headed back to civilization. Hmm... Okay, maybe the Nike swoosh was a bad omen. After consuming half a ration I start randomly following this guy instead. What's that you say? Ask...? For directions? Well, it has been an hour of walking without luck, so fine, I will ask someone. "Yeah, man, it just moved. It's in a mall over there, second floor!" In a shopping mall? You are kidding, right? Okay, no, you are not kidding, it is in a shopping mall. Woo-hoo! Take a right at the Funcoland and... Finally! Waiting on line at the DMV! I savor the flavor a moment before deciding savoring anything is a probably bad idea in any public space in downtown Brooklyn. 10 minutes later. Wait, am I supposed to be on that line over there? Yes, but as it turns out it doesn't matter. I need a Social Security card to take the permit test and don't have mine with me here in New York. Okay, no problem, I will go get a new Social Security card around the corner and be back a little later to wrap this thing up. Security at the Social Security office is as tight as JFK airport. I end up forking over my supply of safety razors at the gate. Hopefully I will not have to shave before this ordeal- er, "brief errand" is over. A refreshing 20-minute wait on line at the SSA... ...Only to be informed my card will be "mailed to you in 2 weeks, sir." Trudging back to the DMV office, I am told they will not accept just the receipt from SSA. Well, I guess I have done the best I can for today. So, tune in soon for Episode 2: "The Written Test..." Epilogue Yeah, that's what I am talking about, a little fast-food instant gratification, Downtown Brooklyn style! I deserve it, I have waited on enough lines today! If I even so much as see another line... Oh... At least my McGriddle is... McGriddle-y. P.S.; Connoisseurs of etiquette, you are hereby notified; It is in fact perfectly acceptable for you and a friend to adjust your do-rags in the mirror while waiting on line at McDonald's.



i think dmvs in malls is a new trend - the new one at herald square is in the old a&s plaza mall, and the one in white plains is in a mall too. i'm sure its good for business at other shops.

mcgriddle, huh? how was it? i've never gotten up the nerve to try one. i love the egg mcmuffin though.

I gotta say, I enjoyed the McGriddle immensely. Maple syrup flavored pancake bun, yet somehow not sticky on the hands!?!? Majic! And here I just got through telling the girlfriend how much of a stud I was for avoiding McDonald's religiously. Well, moment of weakness, I was in a state of semi-delirium, yadda yadda yadda, I ate at McDonald's...

wow, not sticky on the hands?!? those mcdonalds engineers, they never cease to amaze. mcdonalds breakfast is not something to be avoided, but rather something to be embraced.

that was a harrowing post! it's like a kafka novel!

I have to ask though...what happened to your original soc sec card? Mine looks like hell but I always keep it close by in a seldom used wallet section...

I dunno, emjaybee, let's ask my Mom.

Hey Mom! What happened to my social security card! I don't remember ever seeing it.

Actually, I do remember. You asked for the card when you applied for your first job. I said, "bring it back and I'll keep it in the records file." You said something like, "no, it's mine, I'll keep it." Another tragic example of the kinds of information storage mothers accumulate over the years. Nice to be able to dump a few mb to make room for the new.