March 2003 Archives

March 31, 2003

Comic Review

Graphic blatantly used without permission!  Yay!Attended Tinkle last night, at the suggestion of the ever-informed Jen, and in short I had a great time, but let me say this to get it out of my system;

TOO MANY DAMNED HIPSTERS!!!

Actually I am mostly jealous of the hipsters, because I have not chosen to go bald and get some black-rimmed glasses with fake non-magnifying lenses in them and talk about nothing but the latest HBO mini-dramadies and I don't even get HBO.

Now for the review;

Emcees Jon Benjamin, David Cross and Todd Barry:
"These guys are funny!"
Usually you would think a trio of comic hosts would be stepping all over each other trying to carve out the one-liners and it would just be utter chaos. Not the case here. Jon and David seemed to have a natural back-and-forth going on, improvising little bits, most of which were actually funny and not just the kind of stultifying emcee material you might be used to. Todd was mostly quiet, in fact, throwing in the occasional cerebral one-liner in his calm, Garrison Keillor earthy monotone.

Jim Gaffigan (comic #1):
"Looks like Philip Seymour Hoffman!"
Most of the same material you will have already seen from him on Comedy Central, but Jim is clearly honing his self-deprecating stuff to a fine-tuned surgical instrument with which he will dissect you mercilessly, turning you into a pile of Snickers(tm).

Andy Blitz (comic #2):
"Casually attired!"
No website available for Andy, and that about sums it up. I think Andy's shtick was thrown off by Jon and David standing up onstage in frozen mannequin positions for the first 3 minutes of his set. He tried to turn his unease into useful material, but let's face it; that didn't work. Actually Andy seemed to have the most potential, not relying on super-rehearsed material but just trying stuff out as it came to him. The best comics will improvise like this, but Andy clearly had an off night.

Louis CK (comic #3):
"At least he has hair!"
Louis was good, I don't remember much of his set, but he was the most well-received by the audience, even getting away with a few towel-head jokes. Oh, wait, there was that whole thing about having to give blowjobs in Hell, that was pretty funny as well. Oh, and he stole his opening condom joke from Todd, just to mess with him.

Greg Proops (comic #4):
"Can you say 'fag' a couple-two-three more times, Greg?"
I knew it! Greg was the closer, and a good choice for it, but I knew from watching his watered-down-for-tv Comedy Central stuff that he is the type to fight the audience. At least three jokes bombed like hell due their politically incorrect nature, but Greg really seems to enjoy fending off the "boos," countering with some of the more alliterative and entertaining invective of the evening.

Yo La Tengo (musical guests):
"Dananananananananananananananana Batman! Tinkle!"
I heard a few whispers of "is that really Yo La Tengo?" from the audience, as maybe they were supposed to look more hip and bald and stuff, but their little musical bits were entertaining. I want to know what that funky little keyboard being played was, as it seemed super-tiny but super-funky at the same time.

Cute Blond Girl in the White Blouse in the Front Row (audience member):
"I bet you only like bald guys with black-rimmed glasses, huh?"
...
"Well, your loss!"

Vanessa (Sam's hair stylist):
"Prep the shears, I am on my way over!!!"

March 30, 2003

Three Bitter Defeats

Yesterday, AS MAY HAVE BEEN EXPECTED:

- My date *sucked*, as I was nervous and not able to have a completely intelligible conversation. This does happen occasionally and is quite frustrating, but... usually it means there is no real vibe between me and the other person in the first place, so at least I don't feel I missed any huge opportunity.

- Kim failed miserably and inexplicably to show up for our pool practice session (which is actually okay, because she seems like a cool gal anyway, so perhaps I will forgive her).

- Lunatarium was cancelled and we had to go to a club playing some of the worst industrial music on the face of this accursed globe, eventually forcing us to leave much earlier than we had planned.

Actually, this globe is not that accursed, but you see where I am at at the moment.

Salvageable portions of the day included chatting with Rackham and his main squeeze Kat before the bad music. They are some cool people, highly decent, pleasant and entertaining. We will likely find some good music to groove to sooner rather than later.

Ai, mama! Anyway I have to get to bed early for some free brunch type food tomorrow, can't be missing that, hopefully it will make up for an unlucky Saturday.

March 29, 2003

Three Anticipations

LunatariumTonight in all likelihood I will be attending Lunatarium with my friend Rackham from the pool league. Although I have not been before, it looks like a fine "rave-esque" type event which I may enjoy thoroughly.

Later this afternoon I am also having another of these blind dates from The Onion Personals, this time with funky_chick. So far in our correspondence we have mentioned the writings of Noam Chomsky and the music of Radiohead, so it should be a mix of high-brow and pop-culture rejection for the both of us.

Finally, I am fairly excited about a little pre-rave billiards practice tonight in the early evening with Kim, a Level 4 APA player who is headed for the championships in Las Vegas later this year. She is also a caterer by trade, so hopefully she is bringing some of the chocolate she said she was making this morning.

Too much socializing, you say? I didn't even tell you about the party...

March 27, 2003

McMmm... McDelicious...

I am six pieces of finest Ambrosia!Witness the Pure Genius:








In case you cannot tell, that is the New All-White-Meat McDonald's McNugget you are McStaring at.

These Pale little Pollo Pieces are also the primary reason I moved to New York City, being that they are currently only available here and in Ohio. As my prior indiscretions in Ohio prevent me from returning there any time soon, NYC was the only option left.

P.S.; Thank you, reader, I was just going to say the same thing about how I should be writing McD's advertising copy...

March 26, 2003

Music Interlude

Graham of Arctic Square came over tonight to play some music. We hit a number of genres, notably ragtime, punk and the Beatles. Me on piano and synthesizer, Graham mostly on acoustic guitar.

Graham is the kind of musician I envy, just so into the music it seems inseparable from his very being. He seems to know every recording by every major artist since the inception of the music industry. He also plays primarily by ear, which is almost the opposite skill from my own which is to play from written material.

Currently it is Graham, myself and Erik in Arctic Square, we are looking for a drummer... Apparently they are hard to find.

Billiards Redux

There were these fellows having what is apparently called a "Calcutta" match last night at the pool hall, and I got to watch one of the top 10 money players in the world play 9-ball.

This was a Russian guy, with very cocky yet somehow effeminate table manners. He would stroll almost lazily around the table with his head cocked to one side while considering an angle, a nonchalant half grin on his face, then just plop suddenly into position and fire off a shot.

Usually even the best players have to take a warmup stroke or two before each shot, but this guy was just "Bang! Bang! Bang!"

He had another amusing habit at the start of each game regarding the ball rack. He was never satisfied with how his opponent would rack up the balls before his break shot. So he would come down to the end of the table, hunch over the felt with both elbows on the table almost "hugging" the balls, looking very closely to see if they were all nice and tightly packed together. They never were. Then he would spring upright and casually wave a limp finger at the rack while walking away from it, apparently to indicate "do this over please, I do not like the looks of it."

You could say this was silly bahavior, except there was probably $2000 riding on a win that night, and a nice tight racks makes it easier to sink the 9-ball right off the break, winning instantly.

It's weird, because I would have thought this kind of gambling was illegal here in New York, yet they do all the announcing over the PA system at Slope Billiards like it is a public auction. "Who will put a hundred on Brooklyn Billy? A hundred dollars for Brooklyn Billy, a steal at that price! Going once! Going twice!"

Also weird; there are always lots of Orthodox and sometimes even Hasidic jews hanging out in this pool hall. "Impossible!" you say? Come on down and see for yourself...

Hair of the Dog

By some remarkable coincidence I have a hangover today, the very next morning after having one (1) Whiskey Sour at Park Slope Billiards during pool night.

Tuesday is APA pool league night, today is Wednesday, and I have just left the "I do not feel well" message for my boss. It's ok, she is cool like that.

I work here.

I won my match last night against Charles, 3 games to 0. Charles is actually pretty good and I felt sorry for him being so nervous while playing last night. That's usually my role. From experience I would say nerves can throw your game off about 80%, to the point where you just can't win.

My record this season is 2-4, which is crummy, but I'm playing much better the past 3 weeks or so since I learned to direct my nerves into the game rather than away from it. It helped that my friend Rackham gave me two pretty intense lessons in cue ball control using these weird target mats that you put on the table. Suddenly I felt like I understood why everyone was saying I "shoot too hard!", and I was able to immediately slow my stroke waaaay down. As a result I am making a lot more of those pretty shots where the ball just glides effortlessly down the table, and my aim is much better because the cue ball path is less distorted from me whacking it so hard.

Also, I have been playing a year now so it is about damn time I start playing better.

March 25, 2003

Eyeball Toothpicks

Rrrrgh...

The urge to crawl back into the sack at 5:20am instead of hauling my worthless butt to the YMCA is great...

Getting... Sleepier...

Nnnnngh...

But then there is that cute blond girl with the ponytail that goes swish-swish on the stairmaster...

...

WELL, OFF I GO!!!

March 24, 2003

Hello World

Greetings,

After some proddings from my good friend Jake, I am starting a weblog.

My name is Sam, and you have been warned.

At least, if you are reading this you have been warned.

And if you are not reading this... Well I would like to warn you, but I think you see the problem.